A dear client told me today that my blog is on her list of comforts. Sandwiched between take a bath and make lentils is read Lacy's blog. I've had this post welling up and swirling around inside for weeks and after that amazing compliment now feels like the perfect time to share. We've been working on renovating our family cabin for the last several months. Total gut job. It's a HUGE project. We are still living in the RV and are currently parked in a nearby(ish) campsite in the mountains. We thought we'd be done by now. Famous last words. Every timeline we've set along the way has been way off. I'm learning to release the need to set timelines at all. We are both itching to get on the road and at the same time feeling the importance of this grounding time sitting still in the woods.
Cliff goes to the cabin nearly everyday and I meet him on my days off. There's this one tree that we pass on the way in that always grabs my attention. It's my favorite. It's riddled with suckers and has obviously never been cared for. I watched it go from seemingly dead to covered in little white flowers and now it is full of leaves.
One day I decided instead of working on the fence or sanding cabinets that I wanted to prune this tree. It took me a little over and hour of sawing off dead limbs and cutting off suckers. With each one I said, "There, that's better. Let's free you up. How does that feel?" With every branch removed I could feel the tree breathing into this new found lightness.
As I stood back to admire my efforts I thought of all the things that I want to free up in my life. I thought of how sometimes we need to take an honest look at our "limbs" and get to work on clearing. There are times too when we need to invite a trusted someone to help remove the dead stuff that's hanging on and the suckers that are perpetuating chaos in our being.
May I give you some permission to stand back and truly survey what's in front of you so much so that you can clearly see what needs to go and what wants to stay? Here's what came up for me that particular day:
- I took "friend-ven-tory". I said each persons name that came to mind aloud and either said 'Thank you, I love you' or 'I release you, I love you.' This is a practice I do a few times a year. My goal is always to live in alignment with what feels best in the simplest way possible. The energy exchange has to be equal or it just doesn't work. Trust me, I've tried the way of forcing it. Lots.
- I thought of our marriage and how as we have been simplifying we are learning to see each other as new each day. Sometimes that is so refreshing and other times it's all caps HARD. We are learning how to give each other space living in this tiny home.
- I thought of drinking alcohol and how much I have loved calling myself a "drinker" and how it feels like it's time to let drinking go.
- And I thought of how life is so full that it goes far beyond living new chapters but living different lives all together and along the way I've been experiencing hundreds upon thousands of personal mini deaths (I mean that in the least morbid way possible). Each is part of making space for the new to enter into this human experience.
If it feels good to you consider embracing the idea of living many lives and moving through many personal deaths. Look at how that's happened in your life up to today and notice what you've learned along the way. Find the threads of your story and you just might see where they are leading you next. Experiment with your life in the most loving way possible. Change jobs. Stop eating or drinking something that is not serving you. Say goodbye to someone, reconnect with someone else. Speak intentionally. Don't say things you don't mean (especially to yourself) and when you do interrupt yourself as soon as you remember and begin again. Shake things up a bit. Give yourself permission to enjoy the ride in the joy filled times and the pure shit times. The truth is, it's all beautiful. It's life.
Get pruning. Lacy
P.s. If you need a trusted someone to help. I'm here and we are going to get dirty on this next retreat. Just like this.
